Thomas the Tank Engine is deeply creepy. This is not open for discussion - it is fact.
You know how people say that the devil’s greatest feat was convincing the world he didn’t exist? Well, Thomas’ greatest feat is convincing the world that he is just a congenial, friendly tank engine. He isn’t. I’m disturbed that more people aren’t suitably freaked out by him. He is a train with a face!
I know, I know, there are loads of other kid’s programmes where vehicles have faces. But think about it, the trains in Chuggington, the car in Brum, even the vehicles in Engie Bengy and to a certain extent, Finlay the Fire Engine, all make use of the features of said vehicle to create a face. Windows are eyes, headlights can be a nose and natural joins in bodywork can be used as a mouth.
Thomas is a train with a HUMAN FACE! That’s horrific! Where did he get the human face?? Whay haven't parents risen up in outrage about this monstrosity - I mean, they kick up a fuss about everything else, from disabled t.v presenters to bums on X-factor.
It's my belief that the Fat Controller is the sinister figure behind this train animating process. He must be an insane psychopathic killer who hunts down hobos and steals their faces before fixing them onto the bodywork of some poor steam engine like a crazed stop-motion Dr. Frankenstein. No one notices the missing hobos, the island of Sodor is free of riff-raff and it would explain the constant stream of new tank engines for merchandising purposes. Notice the deathly grey pallor of Thomas’ face? That can’t be healthy.
Unfortunately my sons love him and I don't think the above rant makes for good parenting when it's aimed at wide eyed two year olds